


Die Weihnachtsgurke

by rabidchild67



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Dialogue-Only, Holidays, K/S Advent Calendar, M/M, Pervertibles, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-10
Updated: 2012-12-10
Packaged: 2017-11-20 20:11:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/589205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabidchild67/pseuds/rabidchild67
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever hear of the legend of the Christmas Pickle?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Die Weihnachtsgurke

**Author's Note:**

> My  K/S Advent entry. With apologies to... everyone. As well as the German people.

“Spock, good morning. Jim. May I ask what brings you to the sickbay on Christmas morning, or, more to the point, what is so urgent that you’ve summoned me on my one damn day off in over two weeks?”

“Spock, you tell him.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“The words will not form themselves in my brain.”

“Well, one of you had better tell me, or I’m pumping you both full of sedatives so you’ll sleep through the New Year.”

“Fine, Bones. Jeez. OK. OK. OK.”

“Stop stallin’.”

“Ever hear of the legend of the Christmas Pickle?”

“The what of the what now?”

“The Christmas Pickle. German folk tradition holds that on Christmas Eve –“

“The tale is apocryphal; there is no such folk tradition, Jim.”

“Does it really matter at this point, Spock, the origins of the tradition? God, you can be so didactic sometimes. As I was saying, a very old Christmas Eve tradition in Germany was for parents to hide a pickle deep in the branches of the family Christmas tree. In the morning, the most observant child would receive an extra gift from St. Nicholas when he found the pickle, as well as good luck for the whole year.”

“Don’t they usually exchange gifts on _Christmas Eve_ in Germany?”

“Yes, Doctor, as I mentioned earlier, the origins of the tale are spurious –“

“Guys! Not the point!”

“Yes, the point is that the Captain has adopted the tradition for our own celebration.”

“It was something my Mom always did when Sam and me were kids – it’s fun. She even gave me the family ornament the first Christmas after I left Earth. And so, the last couple years, I started hiding it on the tree in my quarters too.”

“How pwecious. What does that have to do with an emergency call at seven o’clock in the damn mornin’?”

“I believe I will be able to elucidate. This year, the Captain endeavored to find a novel place to secret the ornament in question.”

“Ah, Jeez, don’t tell me. Now I’m noticing you’re not wearing any pants….”

“Unfortunately, Doctor, this will necessitate telling you _something_.”

“No need, Spock, I roomed with this moron for three years at the Academy. Nurse Chapel! Bring me m’ forceps!”

“ _Meep_.”

“Sorry, Jim, but there’s no way to do this other than old school. Spock, you may not want to stick around.”

“On the contrary, Doctor, I believe I will.”

“Sicko.”

“Indeed? I am not the one with a glass ornament in my –“

“Forceps, Doctor.”

“Thank you, Nurse Chapel. Now, Jim, lie back, relax, and think of the Federation.”

“Fascinating.”

“Merry fucking Christmas to me.”

\----

Thank you for your time.

**Author's Note:**

> ...and in case anyone wants to learn more: [Christmas pickle ](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_pickle)at Wikipedia


End file.
